Nothing. Nadda. Zip. Zilch.

You know, I’d feel bad about us not getting a post together tonight, but I know for a fact that you just come here for the comments anyway, so it’s no big deal.

Anyway, you’ve got the whole weekend ahead of you and a wad of cash in your sweaty little fist (which is all covered in Cheeto dust), so maybe you could dump a little of it on one of our fine advertisers.

There’s Rogue Amoeba. They make good stuff. Although Kafasis tried to kill me that one time.

Well, there’s also Delicious Monster. The things they can do with an iSight camera. Tell you what. Although Shipley did call me a… well, let’s just say he said I like to do something to dogs that I don’t. Totally. I mean… really. I don’t even know how that would work.

Anyway, that brings us to our new advertisers: Shiny White Box and Many Tricks. They also make boss software and so far neither of their CEOs has tried to kill me or accused me of being into bestiality.

Of course, we’ve only just met so…

I should probably give them some time.

…

Do you think Gruber has this kind of relationship with his advertisers?

2,949 thoughts on “Nothing. Nadda. Zip. Zilch.”

  2. Will see what we can do. Problem is that write in’s aren’t really allowed in MI. Which is really interesting because the Dem ballot will have like 1 name on it. (we’re being boycotted for being bad)

  3. Checklist for the Great Pysko Payoff Party

    * ice cream
    * pudding
    * ponies
    * vodka muffins (Tom will bring muffins)
    * miscellaneous grab bags of iParty favors
    * waffles and/or houses
    * G4 Cube cases for pass the Cube (pass the cube, insert cash in CD slot, raise money for Pysko)

    Sign up for something…

    When does the party begin?

  4. Okay, I’ve got the flock of Puffins, and I’ve just given em a whole bunch of vodka, but now I’m just watchin em flap and flop all over the aviary.

    How am I supposed to get a flock of drunk puffins to the party?

    And, what’s so special about vodka puffins anyway?

  5. psst…

    Tom…

    Mickey and Judy were talking about putting on a show for Psyko, not having a party…

    Anyway, pass me an ice cream

    Anyone else hungry for iFlame roasted marinated vodka puffin?

  7. When the last puffin has been roasted and eaten, their kind won’t be endangered anymore.

    We’ll need a Master of Ceremonies for the Psyko Telethon. I nominate Rip Ragged, as he has stage chops and a pirate costume. Will someone second the nomination?

  10. I’ll bring the ponies. Please remember this time people Ponies are nasty drunks. Please don’t feed them the vodka puffins.

  12. Second post!

    Heck, I mean I second the nomination.

    Since I bought my shiny Apple iAbacus my counting skills have improved.

  13. Okay, all in favor of Rip as MC, say “Aye aye, Cap’n!”

    Those opposed, say, “Mecca lecca hi, mecca hiney ho!”

  16. Well, I don’t actually own the pirate costume, but I do have A Pirate Looks at 40 in multiple formats and I can get some pork chops out of the freezer (I know there was something about chops). Will Potatoes Au Gratin be okay on the side? Or would you prefer them in the middle?

    This whole thing is upside down and I’m totally confused – of course, the two are in no way related, but both are true. Kinda like the world is going to hell in a handbasket and this bowling ball is really heavy.

  18. I like pirate themed parties. I go all the time. Could someone explain to me why I get such odd looks when I say, “Shiver me Timbers!”. I thought that was what pirates said. I also get strange looks when I search for booty or when I say that we are betwixt two sheets,

  19. Del, it’s clear that the pretenders at those parties aren’t clear on the concepts related to pirate culture. People look at me strange regardless of the theme of the party.

    Well, it looks like we have an MC for the show. But who’s gonna be the bouncer? We need someone who isn’t afraid to iFlame any hecklers.

  20. Come. Come. iFlaming hecklers isn’t cricket, or football too come to that. Hecklers should be left speechless by barbed, witty replies. “Away and polish the bolt in your neck” or” Why not hold hands and form a circle of idiots?” to quote two that the Big Yin has been heard to utter. “Shut up or I’ll smash your face in.” is also pretty effective but you must be able to back it up.
    Hmmmm.
    On reflection, iFlaming is not such a bad idea.

  22. I would suggest the the bouncer also make use of the infamous “swift kick to the nuts” as practiced in the Mega Post many moons ago by Huck.

    It certainly kept the spammers in line, or at least on the floor.

  23. It makes sense to make Huck bouncer.
    On second thoughts, is he efficient with eunuchs, masochists and women?

  24. This “putting on a show” is hard work, even before the real work starts. For example, we need a coat check girl, but our only known girl is Del, who’ll be busy onstage with her fleas. And Judy Garland is dead, may she rest in peace. Another reason to recruit the fairer sex, I guess. (Slogan: CARS Needs Women!”

    I suppose we could just have guests throw their coats on the bed.

    Or one of the guys could wear a dress. I would do it, but I just had my voice lowered.

  26. I don’t see why it needs to be a coat check “girl.” After all, aren’t we just going to sell the coats anyway?

    MARK

  27. Aw, come on Psyko, they are going to be OUR coats and how much do you think I’ll get for yours?

  28. I think the idea is to rifle through the coat pockets as the customers are enjoying the show. The coat-check girl or guy checks the coats for valuables, hence the name. At least that’s what I was taught in Stagecraft 101.

    Now to go practice my magic act. It’s a variation on Steve Martin’s “Great Flydini,” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=alD_tukE77Q substituting a large wardrobe trunk for the fly.

  29. Oh, uh, you know I didn’t mean your guy’s coats, right…? Just for potential fund raiser crashers. Yeah, that’s totally what I meant.

    MARK

  30. Is there room for another act, I can juggle three pieces of toilet paper at once,… OK, maybe just two, but hell most of the people can’t count past two.

  31. Well I guess I could do double duty. Anyone who doesn’t donate enough for the event gets to take some of my trained fleas home.

  32. I would just like to say, as my first official act as something-or-other, that Eunuchs, Masochists, and Women would be a great name for the house band. Or possibly a new theme for the TeraPost.

  33. After doing some independent testing, I’ve discovered that a good way to handle female hecklers is to tell them “When you do that, you sound just like your mother!” Oooh, they hate that.

    Same trick works on guys.

  35. *sniff*

    I’d be proud if someone said that of me. My mom was one of the best mad scientists ever. That is until the accident with the cobra, the porcupine, and the cannon.

  38. Del, nobody will ever say that of you. All the people that ever met her fell victim to all of her other experiments. If it makes you feel better though, it sounds like you’ve made her proud and then some.

    MARK

  39. How many porcupi can one shoot out of a cannon before someone hits you with a cobra?

  41. I truly believe you have been misinformed.
    The answer is forty-two. This is based on the fact that the answer to all scientific equations is forty-two.

  43. Welcome Back Tera-Post, even if you are in RSS form. Now to think of something witty.
    No, why break the habits of a lifetime.

  44. Del,
    I do believe that you have to explore further if you introduce two cobras. If they are the square head form, then the correct mathematics could be, (1.4 x 1.4) x 2 x 21. Of course it does depend on which mathematical domain you are in and the wind direction on Shrove Tuesday 1926.

  45. After I made my fortnightly visit to the Dogcow Cavern, one little one followed me home. I’ve named it Cyberdogie. It goes with me everywhere now, and I’ve trained it to do a flip. Since my magic act hasn’t been working very well, I’ve decided that simply having Cybie do a flip onstage would be good enough for the Psyko Telethon. Maybe someone else can do magic–it just doesn’t work for me.

  46. Ace, I’m sure your Dogcow’s amazing trick will be more than enough to keep us entertained. We all have fairly simple minds anyw-Oooooh, shiny spoons!

    MARK

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