You know, I’d feel bad about us not getting a post together tonight, but I know for a fact that you just come here for the comments anyway, so it’s no big deal.
Anyway, you’ve got the whole weekend ahead of you and a wad of cash in your sweaty little fist (which is all covered in Cheeto dust), so maybe you could dump a little of it on one of our fine advertisers.
There’s Rogue Amoeba. They make good stuff. Although Kafasis tried to kill me that one time.
Well, there’s also Delicious Monster. The things they can do with an iSight camera. Tell you what. Although Shipley did call me a… well, let’s just say he said I like to do something to dogs that I don’t. Totally. I mean… really. I don’t even know how that would work.
Anyway, that brings us to our new advertisers: Shiny White Box and Many Tricks. They also make boss software and so far neither of their CEOs has tried to kill me or accused me of being into bestiality.
Of course, we’ve only just met so…
I should probably give them some time.
…
Do you think Gruber has this kind of relationship with his advertisers?
Hip Hip Hurrah. It’s back, wasn’t available until just now and I’ve also accused Rip of closing CARS down. Will he ever talk to me again? Wonder if it is because I typed fsck in?
Does anyone have change for a penny? I’m on a diet and have to buy a grain of rice.
I knew from experience that trying to fsck is problematic with a floppy. It’s good to know there’s a technical explanation.
I understand how I could be a suspect in the demise of CARS, being a rival site and all. But I could never hope to replace the TeraPost. Not in my wildest dreams (and let me tell you, that covers a lot of territory).
If you’re on the Atkins diet, that rice is baaaaad. Lots of carbs.
You guys forgot the cat.
I’m leaving before it finds me and takes my other arm.
MARK
Uh guys, how do I get out of here?
MARK
You are doomed Psyko, there is no way out, trapped forever, with the cat. Ha ha ha (evilly).
Did my piping falsetto provide the correct atmosphere? It was method acting. Impressed aren’t you?
Okay, who said de?
Psyko, don’t leave! You just got here.
We’re just about to start the game of Twister. I’ll be spinning the spinner for this first round, since I like to see you guys squirm.
Okay, Nxxx first: . . . . . . . . . left foot on blue.
Nxxx, you’re laugh could have used a little work. Had you gone with a deeper and richer “MWAHAHAHAHA” I would have been overwhelmed by sheer hopelessness and thrown into a never ending pit of despair. As it is right now I’ve just a bit of a “awe, that sucks” feeling. Keep working on it though, I’m sure you’ll get it.
Now get your left foot on blue.
MARK
Next palindrome in two posts!
Stacking………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
GOT IT!
Bwwwaaaahhhhaaahhhhaaahhhhaaaa!
You gotta be fast to beat the D0c!
Right. Left foot on blue, which is fine as it matches my piercing eyes. It has been suggested that 007 Bond was based on me. Modesty alone prevents me from commenting.
Next spin….
Psyko: right arm on red. It’s okay if you want to detach it…that way you won’t have to bend over.
Next spin…
Del: nose on yellow. Sorry.
My yoga is paying off. Nose on yellow is easy.
Does eating yoghourt make you supple, Del?
Removes brain to stop thinking thoughts.
Alright, right arm on red. I can do that, and I’ll do it without detaching it. I’m afraid of what will go back on if I take it off. *sigh*
MARK
This is fun–now I’ve got four spinners going.
D0c: Right ear on green, left hand on red, left knee on purple, left foot on red.
Nxxx: Right foot on yellow, left hand on hip, left foot in air, right hand on red.
Psyko: Left arm on red, right foot on cat, right hand on blue, left foot in cookie jar.
Del: Left foot in Michigan, right foot in Ontario, left hand on red, right hand on Irish coffee, nose high in air…
You people are crackin’ me up!
Hey I was eating those cookies! Get your foot out of the jar.
hmmmmmm irish coffee………yum
My bloody arthritis is killing me, twist again.
Bugger.
Bust.
Alright Ace, thanks for the green ear. Now all I hear is rustling plastic.
Guys, the cat and Del are both growling at me.
Help me. I’m scared…
MARK
Next round…
D0c: Back on yellow, left hand, left foot, right foot and right hand all in air.
Nxxx: Right foot on yellow, left hand on yellow, left foot on yellow, right hand on tenor saxophone.
Psyko: Left hand on cat, right foot on cat, right hand on wolverine, left foot on yellow, cookie jar balanced on head.
Del: Left foot on yellow, right foot on yellow, left hand in cookie jar, right hand in cookie jar, cookie in mouth.
Harry Houdini: One foot in grave, other foot in straitjacket in trunk in East River, left hand on cat, right hand on a stack of Bibles, head floating two feet above the third red circle.
Okay, you guys hold that position—I’ve got to run to the store to buy a package of Twinkies.
Twinkies? My favorite. Don’t forget to bring back a sixer of Jolt.
Wasn’t someone supposed to have an elbow on green?
Damn. Dropped it and I’ll never be able to afford another one.
I’m not playing anymore…..sob…..whimper…..real tears……..
How will you keep the hyenas away?
Thankfully no hyenas are allowed in the Tera-Post.
Well, well, well…I’m impressed: You haven’t yet crumpled in a heap. You could form your own Circque du Soleil troupe. You’re that good.
Now excuse me while I scarf down some Twinkies here…
He’s right, you know. You all are as much fun to watch as the Steve Ballmer Olympic Office Furniture Throwing Competition. Hey, hey, watch that. You have to keep your shoulder in contact with the spot.
Pass me another Jolt, please?
I bet chiropractors love this game.
Uh, guys, I think the wolverine is eyeing the cookie on my head. At least, I think -hope- it’s the cookie… *whimper*
Am I being punished for taking such a long nap in the only shady spot under the palm tree?
MARK
Gee, we don’t want to exclude anybody from the fun, so here goes…
Rip: Left hand on puce, right hand on Jolt, left foot on standby, other left foot on yellow.
blank: Left foot on red, right foot on blue, big hand on 8, little hand on 12, and tongue stuck to frozen streetlamp.
Hang on—there’s still one more Twinkie here. Mmmhh, heart disease…
Ace, I think your spinner is loaded. There was a LOT of yellow in that last round!
Wait! I just thought of another explanation. EVERYTHING is yellow when your only illumination is a sodium arc lamp. That explains it!
Move away from the streetlight everyone!
Sheesh! You’d think that Moltz would at least post a random snide comment on TeraPost or Hiatus or Final, even if he doesn’t come up with real imaginary content.
Hah! Real Imaginary. Now that’s Complex!
By tug feews fuddy…
tawking wif thif cookie in my mouf if hard.
Pfyko better keep fhaf wolverine away fwom my cookees.
*GROWL*
You’re hilarious to look at, but you’re supposed to be collapsing in a heap by now. what, are you made out of velcro?
Wait, I’ve got an idea.
*loads lawn sprayer with extra virgin olive oil*
This should knock it up a notch…
*sprays entire Twister party liberally*
*spins spinner*
Everybody: put left hand where right hand is, and vice versa.
Mmmmmm….. Twinkies and cookies drenched in extra virgin olive oil.
I see yellow elephants. Did you forget to rinse the weed killer out of the lawn sprayer?
So we are doing a vice-versa sort of thing? I don’t think I want to put the cookie where you are implying it should go 😛
That is cookie abuse… plus I eated them all 🙁
Del, since both your hands are in the cookie jar, switching them shouldn’t make much difference.
All that spinning has made me tired and thirsty, so I’m quitting the game for now.
*fills Jacuzzi with green beer*
One of you good people can take over while I relax and spectate.
Relax and spectate?
You are going to participate after what you did to my sax.
The alternative is that the battered remains of my tenor is going where the Sun never shines, so you’d better get in there, Ace.
Still the olive oil has made everything shiny. Oooh so shiny, shineee even shineeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
Shiny!
Too shiny! I blame an excess of Guinness last night, and it’s awful bright in here…
Need coffee. Where’d that little guy in green get off to with my mug?
I can slide across the entire TP cuz of the oil.
Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!
I can slide even farther than that—
Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!
Ace,
Get out of my shower cubicle.
You can stay, Del.
Del took the cookie jar off my head to scrounge for crumbs. Please tell me that means I lose and have to leave.
Please…
MARK
Ladies and gentlemen, we have a loser!
WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Giant Human Slingshot — CHECK
Well Oiled TP — CHECK
Teflon Coated Socks –CHECK
Tunnelephants to pull the sling back –CHECK
Here we go let’s see how far I can slide:
WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!