Author: CARS Staff

The Macintosh community was devastated to learn today via a report on osViews that Apple will be switching to Windows.

According to an article by “Sharp”, Apple will migrate from the Mach kernel to Windows Vista, fulfilling the vision of at least some, “Sharp” said.

One camp believes Apple MUST adopt Windows in order to survive.

While it is undeniably true that Apple MUST adopt Windows in order to survive, research by Crazy Apple Rumors Site staff indicates that other things this group believes are:

• If you’re ever lost in the forest and you don’t have any food, you can survive for 8 weeks by eating your own liver.
• That kid Mikey from the Life cereal commercials died by drinking Coke and eating Pop Rocks at the same time.
• If you want something bad enough and you wish really, really hard and you write a crappy web editorial as if it were going to happen, it just might!

Still, they are right that it is undeniably true Apple MUST adopt Windows to survive.

Sadly, the Mac community is still in denial over Apple’s decision to migrate to Windows.

“Hmm, I’m not so sure,” said Daring Fireball‘s John Gruber. “Normally I believe everything I read on the Internet, but the whole thing just sounds so completely, intensely, and painfully stupid to me. I actually have a headache after reading ‘Sharp”s posts.

“But he does have a cool 3-D diagram of the different technologies all fitting together like a puzzle, so… maybe it is true.”

After reading the following passage, however, Gruber quickly moved from “denial” into the “anger” phase.

Now in 2006, the Intel compatible version [of OS X] is out and bundled with the new machines. But just like it led a secret life for 5 years, the Runtime Layer version (like OPENSTEP on Sun, or Rhapsody on WinNT) is at their disposal. So, evidently, they’re looking to Vista to be the underpinnings of the continued “Mac look & feel” and allow their userbase to run ALL Mac OS X app’s as well as ALL Windows app’s natively.

“That’s so unreadable that I really have no idea what exactly he means,” Gruber said. “There are some wild leaps of logic there but…

“OH, MY GOD, APPLE’S CONVERTING TO WINDOWS!”

“Sharp” did not mention that the future Mac OS as he describes it would, by definition, be just as susceptible to existing Windows malware, nor did he explain how switching to an underlying architecture that it has no control over would somehow make Apple more viable.

But, the ability to run Windows apps with an Apple interface would just be so unbelievably boss-a-rific that no explanation was needed.

Because all Mac users love Windows apps. And, really, what Apple MUST have to survive is that vertical market point-of-sale system for the wholesale dental supply industry.

But it is an anonymous comment on “Sharp”‘s original article at osViews that fleshes the story out and makes it clear how undeniably true – and boss – it is.

According to the comment, the decision to switch to Windows came at an Apple board meeting where posts by “MacRumors alumni” were read out loud and “largely agreed with”, prompting Steve Jobs to pick up the phone and call Bill Gates who agreed to delay Windows Vista until January so the announcements could be made at the same time.

So, don’t blame Microsoft for Vista being so late.

Puh-leeze.

As if.

Don’t go there, girlfriend.

What the post doesn’t say and Crazy Apple Rumors Site has been able to confirm is that Jobs then picked up a magical phone and called the following individuals and received their approval on the deal:

• Ray Ozzie
• The ghost of Amelia Earhart
• The Easter Bunny
• Santa
• Aslan
• Waldo

While the migration plan is all but assured, Crazy Apple Rumors Sites sources have forwarded a diagram detailing another proposed Macintosh platform of the future that is said to be as equally likely as that described by “Sharp” and is being presented as a last-ditch alternative by certain anti-Microsoft elements within Apple.

Apple would not comment officially for this story, other than to confirm that it is switching to Windows.