Category: Apple Community

Our long international nightmare is over

Those filthy perverts at PerversionTracker are back (thanks to TUAW for the news).

Which is really good for me because Ladd owes me money.

Ironically, I had just Tweeted this about an hour before I found out. The universe acts in strange and mysterious ways, my friends. One minute you’re wondering if there’s any point in going on, the next you’re covered in pudding.

There is only one site to look to for news about iPhone apps, people. And since that site is on hiatus, you should probably just go ahead and go on over to PerversionTracker.

Apple Community Develops Astounding Mutant Ability.

A breathtaking WWDC keynote – which saw the announcement of a new iPhone and mobile platform – under its belt, the Apple community was further astonished to learn that a number of its members have apparently developed a fantastic new mutant ability.

Known as “cancerdar”, it allows the individual with the necessary mutant x-gene to determine if a person has cancer just by looking at them.

It’s unknown how these individuals have had their mutant x-factor activated, but it’s thought that perhaps the electromagnetic fields generated by one or more Apple products is to thank.

“I’m constantly putting Apple products near my body,” said Apple customer Ian McCovey, who says he was recently granted uncanny cancerdar abilities. “Particularly my crotch. Over time, that’s gotta have some kind of effect on you. Right? I mean, I don’t know. I’m a graphic designer, not some kind of science guy.”

Regardless of how the amazing ability has been activated, researchers say it could prove vital in the fight against cancer.

Dr. Leon Taylor of the Mayo Clinic said “Previously this ability has only been seen in some dogs who can smell cancer in patients. This truly is a staggeringly important mutation and could be a great boon for early detection. It could change everything.

“Or, the other possibility is that these people are just talking out of their asses. In which case it’s just negligent and really annoying.”

Taylor’s caveat, however, has not chastened the newly mutated members of the Apple community.

“They say that with great power comes great responsibility,” McCovey said gravely.

“And I’m totally going to be really responsible about this as soon as I just do this one thing on Twitter.”

Podcast Canceled.

I regret to inform you that my podcast effort – This Week In Daring Fireball – has been canceled. This was to be the follow-up to CARS but, sadly, I was unable to secure funding. The New York Yankees had shown interest in sponsoring the show, but backed out after I refused to work with Don Mattingly.

He’s just a dick.

Anyway, you can listen to the first and only episode here (1.7mb MP3).

Oh, and CARS is still on hiatus.

Evidence of Graft Rocks The Apple Community.

The Apple community was thrown upside down today as definitive proof was delivered that Macworld magazine managing editor Jason Snell is on the take.

“His three and a half mice review of the MacBook Air was the final bit of evidence, said Rogue Amoeba‘s Paul Kafasis. “He’s obviously on the take from Microsoft.

“Or Sony. It could be Sony. They had a Vaio ad in the last issue fer Chrissake! How obvious does it have to be, people! Wake up and smell the graft!”

“I personally won’t be satisfied until he corrects his false statements about the MacBook Air, apologizes publicly and is banned from attending Major League Baseball games for the rest of his life,” Kafasis concluded.

Oddly, others contended that Snell isn’t on the take from Apple’s competitors, but is actually on the take from Apple.

“I was going to give the iPod nano four mice,” said Macworld editor Dan Frakes, “and then Jason says, ‘Hey, why don’t we bump this up to four and a half mice?’! And he winks at me! I mean, what’s that all about?!”

When contacted, Snell was surprisingly up front about his greased palms.

“It’s a pretty sweet gig,” Snell admitted. “I get paid by Apple to favorably review their products and then I get paid by its competitors to trash Apple’s products. It’s a win-win! I can’t lose!

“Although, I’ll admit, it does get confusing sometimes. I have to keep careful track of who I’m getting bribed by on any given day in iCal. This week it’s obviously Sony. I mean… c’mon! 3 and a half mice for the Air?! But you know I’m gonna cut me off a slice of that sweet Sony action.”

Apple and Sony both declined to confirm that Snell was on the take, but when reporters peeked in the window of his home, they did see products from both vendors, which is pretty damning.