iTunes Recommends

Some commenters yesterday voiced their opinions that we, the members of the Crazy Apple Rumors Site staff, were probably spending the week sitting on our asses, watching reruns of Battlestar Galactica (original version), drinking Hi-C and eating mounds of Fiddle Faddle (or Screaming Yellow Zonkers depending on where the commenter was from).

Nothing could be further from the truth.

In actuality, we’re catching up on a lot of backlog. In case you didn’t realize, there are a whole variety of behind-the-scenes tasks that need to be done to keep this site running.

Like stocking the vending machine.

Well, OK, Mark from United Vendors actually does that, but we have stand there and watch him and call dibs on the mini-donuts. And then for some reason the second Mark leaves the Entity buys all the Baked Lays and spends the rest of the day noisily devouring them in the break room. Then we go without Baked Lays for a week until Mark comes back.

It’s not a very good system.

Anyway, that’s not really the kind of thing I was trying to get at. Most importantly, we’re working on fixing the intermittent database error you’ve probably seen if you’ve been clicking refresh relentlessly in an effort to get the coveted 11th post.

When I say “we” I really mean “Masako.” The rest of us have been standing around watching her work and asking her if she needs anything.

You never know when she could want a beverage.

She’s shit out of luck if she wants any Baked Lays, though.

But rest assured that while we’re not so much covering the Apple rumors this week, we are working.

Except during lunch.

And designated breaks.

And when we’re playin’ the ponies.

And I had to run some errands earlier.

Um…

Well.

How… how are you?
Actual iTunes “Just for you” recommendation.

Discuss.

(Thanks, Eric.)

We Give A Solid 85%.

Some commenters yesterday voiced their opinions that we, the members of the Crazy Apple Rumors Site staff, were probably spending the week sitting on our asses, watching reruns of Battlestar Galactica (original version), drinking Hi-C and eating mounds of Fiddle Faddle (or Screaming Yellow Zonkers depending on where the commenter was from).

Nothing could be further from the truth.

In actuality, we’re catching up on a lot of backlog. In case you didn’t realize, there are a whole variety of behind-the-scenes tasks that need to be done to keep this site running.

Like stocking the vending machine.

Well, OK, Mark from United Vendors actually does that, but we have stand there and watch him and call dibs on the mini-donuts. And then for some reason the second Mark leaves the Entity buys all the Baked Lays and spends the rest of the day noisily devouring them in the break room. Then we go without Baked Lays for a week until Mark comes back.

It’s not a very good system.

Anyway, that’s not really the kind of thing I was trying to get at. Most importantly, we’re working on fixing the intermittent database error you’ve probably seen if you’ve been clicking refresh relentlessly in an effort to get the coveted 11th post.

When I say “we” I really mean “Masako.” The rest of us have been standing around watching her work and asking her if she needs anything.

You never know when she could want a beverage.

She’s shit out of luck if she wants any Baked Lays, though.

But rest assured that while we’re not so much covering the Apple rumors this week, we are working.

Except during lunch.

And designated breaks.

And when we’re playin’ the ponies.

And I had to run some errands earlier.

Um…

Well.

How… how are you?

Light Posting This Week.

Baby, you remember that we weren’t going to be posting much this week, right?

Oh, c’mon baby! We left you that note by the refrigerator under the muffins! I know you love muffins, baby, you had to have seen it!

Well, look, we got some business to take care of this week – business that affects us both, baby. We’re just looking out for you. You know that.

I know there’s some stuff going on in the Apple world that we might have written about – like that dude that’s suing Apple because he made something that kind of vaguely if you held it up to the light the right way and closed your eyes and thought of SoundJam (which he has apparently never heard of) just sort of might look a little like something vaguely resembling a software music jukebox.

But there’ll be plenty of other Apple lawsuits next week that we’ll cover for you. I promise, baby.

You know I’m only doing this for you.

So, baby, you be a good girl and you click on the comments link…

That’s it… the one down there…

Oooh, yeah…

And you tell me what you’d sue Apple for.

Go on, baby. You know you want some of that.

Friday Feature: Crazy Apple Help Desk.

Every Friday, the staff at Crazy Apple Rumors Site answers common help questions based on our vast experience with Apple products and our fervent belief that we know more than you do.

Today… Steve!


Q: I have a G5 iMac and an iSight camera. But that’s not really important now. What I want to know is, other than the reality distortion field, does Steve Jobs have any super-powers?
A: Uh, well, according to some, years of veganism have given him the colon of an Adonis.
Q: Oh. OK. That’s nice and all, but it’s not exactly like shooting lasers out of your eyes.
A: Well, if you’re a Brussels sprout passing through Jobs’ colon, it’s six of one, half a dozen of the other, isn’t it?
Q: What?! How did you know I was a Brussels sprout?!
A: It’s the Flemish accent.
Q: Stront! [click]
A: Heh-heh. Stupid teeny cabbage.


Q: Wait, I happen to know for a fact that Steve Jobs can crush freight trains with his bare hands like they were aluminum cans.
A: I don’t think that’s true. But I have heard that he can pull live humans apart like cardboard tubes.
Q: Well, any stage hand at Macworld will tell you that. But what I’m more interested in is his ability to manipulate the forces of magnetism with his mind.
A: That’s nothing compared to his steel claws, razor-like fangs, hyper-senses and berserker rages. That’s really how he got on the board of Disney.
Q: He killed someone?
A: A couple people. I mean… have you seen Eisner recently?
Q: Hmmm… come to think of it, I haven’t
A: Anyway, rest assured that Steve is everywhere and… anywhere!
Q: Oh, man, Steve is so boss!
A: Yes. Yes, he is.


Q: So, wait, is Steve with me right now?
A: Steve is watching any time you use your Mac. Except when you’re surfing porn.
Q: Oh. Well… that’s…
A: Pretty much all the time?
Q: Uh… do celebrity nipple slips count as porn?
A: Um… yes.
Q: Then yes. Pretty much all the time.
A: Then… you do not walk with Steve.
Q: Oh. OK. Well… I guess that’s the price I pay for celebrity nipple slips.
A: I guess so.
Q: I’m good with that.