Reuters reported today that the fuckers at Universal Music may try to cut a royalty deal with Apple on sales of the iPod, similar to what they managed to extract from the fuckers at Microsoft.
According to the report, Universal Music’s Chief Motherfucker, Doug Motherfucking Morris, has stated his fucked-up belief that when Apple renegotiates its contract with them next year, they will extort a tithe for doing fuck-all.
But sources at Apple indicate that these particular fuckers are fucking with the wrong motherfuckers.
“It is highly motherfucking unlikely that these fuckers will get away with this,” said a highly placed source who spoke on the condition of anonymity, only because his mother doesn’t like to hear him talk like this.
“Apple’s position as the fucking market leader means that it has some motherfucking leverage here. It would be a real motherfucking shame if these fuckers were to fucking wake up next year and find themselves fucking locked out of sales to the users of the most ubiquituous fucking digital music player.
“A real motherfucking shame.”
When asked why Apple would be able to work a contract that Microsoft could or would not, the source scoffed.
“They’ve sold about five fucking Zunes. We’ve sold 70 million motherfucking iPods.
“I’m just saying, these fuckers are fucking with the wrong motherfuckers.”
All of these fuckers declined to comment officially for this story.